So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.