pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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