Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?