Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
