It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree