He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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