Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
