Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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