Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize