I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
