I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
