Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
