Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
