I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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