I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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