you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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