he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
