Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
