Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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