So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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