i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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