man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
