I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
