Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
