dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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