Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
