I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old