Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.