Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
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It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.