WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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