in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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