hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
