I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
