So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
