Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So vagazzling was a success
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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