For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
