I bet he comes in French.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
