I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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