No stitches, just platelets and will power
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
