Where is the hickey?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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