lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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