I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
