you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jerry, you need to find god
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
