I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
