White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
