I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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