I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
