oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
