I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
