but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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