i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
