I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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