If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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