The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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