Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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