please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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