I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
