The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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