woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She announced her abortion via fbk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
