i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
COCAINE IS GR8
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
