So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
