I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
