He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
