Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
