the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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