Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
