I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
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