Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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